Squashed tomatoes – shooting Mynie

Neil Pendock April 19, 2012 8

What a great name for a food writer: Dine van Zyl. So much better than poor Martin Crummy, who does wine reportage for The Drinks Business. Let’s hope Dine gets to join Judge Jay (UK foodie Jay Rayner) who fevered rumour reports is handling the judging for the controversial Eat Out Awards this year.  I’m reliably informed Louis Vuitton developed a special Titanic travelling trunk to accommodate his ego.  Be that as it may, the coming of Judge Jay frees up a previous incumbent to consult to restaurants that were conspicuously absent from last year’s Eat Out Awards! This does not work on so many levels, like farting in a lift. But then as they say in the Middle Kingdom “the foreign moon is always rounder.”

Judge Jay for Eat Out Awards?

Anyway, back on planet real food, seems that Dine is making a TV series on boerekos for KykNet, the best local TV channel by a country mile. Why is Afrikaans culture so much more vibrant that English cucumber sandwiches at the minute? Why will Dine’s boerekos extravaganza most likely make MasterChefSA look like a production of Germiston Primary School? Why is Chris Chameleon so much better than the Parlotones these days? Why are the best bits of David Kramer’s songs sung in Afrikaans? So many questions, so much cultural cringe!

With a boerekos bee in her bonnet, Dine headed for Lemoenfontein on the Paardeberg for an audience with Mynhardt Joubert, the Culinary King of Riebeek-Kasteel in his Bar Bar Black Sheep castle, who once danced with Diana Ross in London in his days in the Ballet. Neighbour Tina Schreiber had given Mynie a king’s ransom of tomatoes, so Mynie had peeled, boiled and simmered them for days and even put up a new shelf in his kitchen for all the jars of tomato jam. At 2am on the morning of Dine’s visit, Mynie was woken by a crash as 80 jars of tomato jam made like Newton’s apple and crashed to the floor. It was a scene straight out of CSI Miami, with tomato jam splattered all over the walls and floors, while Dine was dreaming of delicious hot-cross bun flavoured Ouma rusks, the latest addition to the Marie Biscuits and Mrs Balls’ Chutney (did you spot the SA product placement in Mrs Thatcher’s fridge in The Iron Lady?) collection of SA cross-cultural culinary icons.

In the end, the shoot went off fine. There was a moment when Dine denounced Mynie’s use of chicken stock as inauthentic, but her doubts were silenced when she ate the evidence. The shoot wrapped up with a sunset table in the vineyard, with the witroes infected Bukettraube vines a photogenic backdrop Almodóvar would kill for. Let’s see if MasterChefSA can beat that!

They certainly won’t beat Jasper Wicken’s Paardeberg oesaf party this Friday night, with prizes given to the partygoer wearing “the shortest denim pant. Pant not to be cut on site.” Partyberg indeed!

8 Comments »

  1. Jay Rayner April 19, 2012 at 9:29 am -

    Smart, clever writing. You must have punched after writing the Titanic travelling trunk line. But it’s all total bollocks. Never heard of those awards. Not involved and therefore not judging. Instead of using rumours why didn’t you just ask me? I’m not hard to contact.

  2. Neil Pendock April 19, 2012 at 9:48 am -

    Hi Jay

    Never let the facts stand in the way of a good story! Thanks for the update.

  3. Jay Rayner April 19, 2012 at 11:06 am -

    Actually I was thinking an apology for sloppy journalism was more in order. You wrote something without checking which wasn’t true, and then used it as an excuse for disobliging comments.

  4. Neil Pendock April 19, 2012 at 11:21 am -

    Disagree. I clearly said your participation was a rumour, so not sloppy journalism at all.

  5. Jane April 19, 2012 at 11:41 am -

    I heard it was the Observer’s food critic coming to judge the Eat Out Awards. If that’s not Mr. Rayner, who is it?

  6. Jay Rayner April 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm -

    You are right. It isn’t sloppy journalism. Reporting a rumour without substantiating it isn’t journalism at all. It’s typing. I wish you well with your career.

  7. Fanny Cradock April 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm -

    Dearest Jane, you clearly have the wrong ‘Observer’ newspaper in mind, Johnny told me it is in actual fact this one: http://nigerianobservernews.com … an easy mistake I know.

  8. Gabi Williams April 19, 2012 at 2:10 pm -

    Wow Neil, Jay Rayner reads your blog!? I’m so impressed.. or is his ego so big that he has a Google alert for his own name?

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